There was a time when I used to pour out all my frustrations and feelings on paper; it wasn’t exactly a diary, more like an outlet for a sense of alienation, of being misunderstood, which continues to be with me to this day. As the years passed, this grew into a highly subjective journal of my years on the road for AOL, and maybe they will contain the seeds of an excellent memoir — there are about nine spiral-bound notebooks full of notes, mostly written in ink!
What they didn’t do for me, or perhaps I didn’t use them for critically reviewing my life (though I did use them to self-flagellate from time to time!) is help me understand my life more deeply. Somehow I always remained blind to the ways of the world; throughout my life I have either lived in denial or just non-acceptance of the world around me, while trying to enjoy it to the fullest.
Thats why these past few months have been such an eye-opener; somehow the pieces of the jigsaw started falling into place; or maybe circumstances started knocking so loudly that I could no longer turn my head away. And I have to say it has not been pleasant at all. From the spiritual standpoint the world has always seemed illusory to me, but now I can appreciate its impermanence from experience. And at the level of vyavahara or material interaction its apparent that so many lies and myths have been rammed down our throats since birth — its a bunch of absolute lies! So what I have decided to do is write a series of posts on these very lies — sex, relationships, careers, money, governance — and hope that soon we are able to take inspiration from Guruji and live a more enlightened and enriched life, closer to our potential.